Travis Henry Hates Contraception, Loves Drugs

2 10 2008

Polk County's finest.

Travis Henry is like an athletic combination of Pablo Escobar and Shawn Kemp. The man loves his drugs and hates his contraception.

Henry spreads his seed like Santa spreads cheer…or like Michael Vick  Ron Mexico spreads herpes. He impregnates more women than in-vitro. He plants more seed than a botanist. He fills up more uterus (uteri?)  than the dad from John and Kate Plus 8. What I’m trying to say is…..the guy likes sex (sans prophylactics.)

Apparently, firing off his boys to the nearest egg is not the only thing Henry loves. Officials in Montana may have figured out why Henry refuses to use the glove while making love. After being caught in a possible cocaine ring, he may have a “different” use for his condoms. (Get it, cause he fills them with cocaine and places them up his anal cavity.) Sorry, those are just medical facts people. On to why he got arrested and just how fucked he really is.

Henry was arrested yesterday after attempting to buy cocaine from a person cooperating with the authorities. At first it doesn’t sound all that bad. He tried to buy some coke and got caught, big deal. As you read on, however,  conspiring to distribute and possess with the intent to distribute cocaine…kinda turns out to be a big fucking deal. You can read all the jargon, details and just how screwed Henry is in the arrest warrant affidavit.

Seriously, that thing reads like a possible movie scipt. The story of Travis Henry alone has all the makings of a Hollywood blockbuster. Money, fame, greed, unprotected sex…add to that drug trafficking and you’ve got yourself a box-office hit! I can already see Maurice Clarett in his big screen debut, playing the part of Travis Henry (at least there wouldn’t be much “acting” involved.)

There would be a scene were Henry and his drug dealer are arguing, the dealer forgetting to pay Henry the money he owes him. Henry demands his money, smacks the man in the face and yells…..”Muthafucka, I got kids to feed!! All seven of ’em!” A man then whispers something in Henry’s ear. With a confused look on his face he screams “Nine?!! Nine kids?!! Damn! I can never keep count of those little fuckers. They’re like Gremlins, they just keep multiplyin.”

Every good movie needs a good title. Post your comment of what you think would be the best title. The most creative title will receive an 8-ball autographed by Travis Henry.






4 responses

3 10 2008

Here’s what I came up with:

“Selling Candy for 9 Babies”

“From Yardlines to Blowlines: The Travis Henry Story”

3 10 2008

Here’s a few:

– Who Needs Baby Powder, When You Have… Coke
– Daddy’s Gonna Make It Snow This Christmas
– White Lines, White Babies
– Bitch, Snort This Line And Sit On My Dick

4 10 2008

“It if wasn’t for football, I would be a crackhead in Lakeland”

5 10 2008

-Like stealing candy for a baby-

-How to have great Sex- Travis Henry shows you how to not wear a condom and get dandy with candy in seven minutes or your money back.

-Sex, Drugs, and Travis Henry-

-Polk County Dreams: The Travis Henry Story-

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