The Rays Have……Marbles!

13 10 2008

The Tampa Bay Rays are for real. After 10 years of busch league play and shitting all over the city of St. Petersburg, the Rays have turned into a real life story of Major League. They are just an ex-con pitcher…. and bitch of an owner shy of turning the blockbuster movie into a true story. Luckily for the Rays, however, Evan Longoria is a hell of a lot better fielder than Roger Dorn.

Last night the Rays proved their comparison to the Hollywood hit by dismantling the mighty douchebags of Boston. Tampa played the good-guy role, using their newly acquired “marbles” to tie the series after extra innings. Rays fans got their money’s worth (finally) as both teams combined for a postseason record seven homeruns. See, it pays to spend that $15.95 for Tropicana bleacher seats folks! Longoria, Upton and Floyd all drilled shots out near the fish tank before the fifth inning. After his homer, I’m pretty sure Cliff Floyd placed a head cover over his Louisville Slugger and muttered “Hats for bats….keep bats warm.”

The Rays will take their victory up to cold ass Boston for a big game three on Monday. Wild Thing Garza will make the start against Lester the Molester. (Okay, so I made up those nicknames, but they sound much more badass than “Matt” and “Jon.”) Look for Willy Mays HaysB.J. Upton to steal home at Fenway. It might not happen, but I’ll look like a genius if it does!! Plus, it will really help with the movie reference.

Oh yeah, and the Dodgers just beat the Phillies out in L.A. to close the gap in the series to 1-2. If I were an L.A. fan, I’d start praying for crazy ass Mitch Williams to be named as the Phillies’ game four starter. Since that is unlikely, looks like Philly might have this series wrapped up. Than again, they’re from Philly….so I’m sure we can all bet on them blowing it at some point. There’s something in the “wuter” up there in “Fillelfia,” …….losing is simply a pastime.

Update: The Red Sox still suck….and the Rays continue to impress. Tampa went into Boston this afternoon, bent over the Sox and continuously pounded out runs. Jon Lester felated B.J. Upton (get it?)  and gave up a huge three run dinger in the third. Evan Longoria followed suit with a solo shot of his own. Matt Garza threw heat, brought heat and dropped heat all night, pitching a shutout through six.

Hey Red Sox fans….this is really happening. The Rays have taken the lead in the ALCS to go up 2-1 over the Sox. I never thought I’d say this, or type it for that matter, but the Rays are two games away from the World Series. And holy shit will it be sweet if they get there by manhandling the fuckstains of Boston. If they can put up another 9 runs against Wakefield’s knuckleball (not a difficult task)  this might be an easy ride back to St. Pete.





2 responses

14 10 2008
Joel Ramos

Dunn, they already had the bitch of an owner, her name was Vince Naimoli

14 10 2008

The Dodgers should go sign Joe Carter for the rest of the playoffs.

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