The Phillies Win The Pennant…Sans Mullets

16 10 2008

This looks like a 1993 advertisement for SuperCuts

Call it what you will:  Mississippi Mudflap, Kentucky Waterfall, Neck Blanket, Camaro Cut, Ape Drape, Hockey Hair, The Barry Melrose Special. No matter how you say it, the Philadelphia Phillies no longer need any mullets or mullet pseudonyms to win the pennant!

Last night, the non-mullet cladded Phillies won their first National League title since 1993. That’s right, the Phils proved they don’t need a shitty 90s hairstyle or crazy ass players like Daulton, Dykstra and Kruk to make it to the World Series. And when I say crazy players, I really mean………clinically fucking insane.

Philly made it to the series this time around based on actual skill. Their pitching physically raped the Brewers in the Divisional Series and again in the NLCS against the Dodgers. Cole Hamels has been lights out for the Phils in the playoffs, and after last night’s performance, it doesn’t look like he’s slowing down anytime soon. Oh yea, there’s also some other decent pitchers in the bullpen with Jamie Moyer and Bret Myers. And by “decent” I mean “fucking unstoppable!” And I certainly can’t forget about Philly’s ace-in-the-hole reliever Brad Lidge. He may not have the business in the front, party in the back that Mitch Williams rocked back in ’93…but at least he’s not bat-shit-crazy like Wild Thing Williams.

While most of you are watching Jim and Pam make their wedding plans, I’ll be :

RAYS over Red Sox: After the past two shitshows that Boston displayed at home, the Rays have too much momentum going into game five. If Evan Longoria and FellatioB.J. Upton can get hot again tonight, look for another blowout. To all the “Sawx” fans out there, you’re argument of “Fawk you, we came back from dahwn 0-3 to beat da fawkin Yanks in ’04, I know ’cause that’s when I stawted to become a Sawx fan!” You’re argument is weak and so is your hitting right now.

NOLES over Wolfpack: “Let’s put the women and children to bed and go lookin’ for dinner.” Unfortunately for NC State, they’re Wolfpack team is not led by Heisman hopeful Joe “Cane is Able” Cane. It’s from The Program dicknose.

*Check back tomorrow for a top-notch recap of the Rays run to the history books.





One response

21 10 2008

lidge! houston misses you

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