Mormons Are No Match For Purple Christian Frogs

17 10 2008

So, apparently there was another college football game on last night? Who knew? While most of us were watching Florida State squeek out a win at NC State…or the Rays blow a seven run lead in the last three innings (Fawkin Sawx!)…there was another televised sporting event going on. But you probably didn’t notice because it was televised on that hockey channel Versus. I mean really, does anyone south of Buffalo give a shit about that channel?

Unfortunately, for those of us who forgot Versus is even part of our cable package, we missed a pretty damn good game. And by damn good game I mean the Mormons got their asses handed to them.

Last night, the purple-cladded-Christian-frogs of TCU completely dominated the Mormons 32-7. TCU laid the hammer down on the Latter-Day Saints of BYU, not only ending their nations-best 16 game win streak, but also ending any chance the Cougars had at playing in a BCS game. Now if you’ll excuse me…I can’t handle talking about the Mountain West Conference any longer. The excitement is just too unbearable!!

Here’s are a few things to watch for in this weekend’s debauchery fueled football/baseball/hockey? shitfest.

College Football

#10 GEORGIA over #22 Vandy: I asked a kid who went to Vandy what their chances were of winning and he told me “Well, if you take the possibility of Newton’s Law, subdivide that by the square-root of zero, round it of to the nearest decimal and use the Pythagorean theorem, you’ll hypothesize that…… the Commodores are screwed.

#4 OKLAHOMA over #16 Kansas: The only way Kansas has a chance in this game is if Mark Mangino eats Sam Bradford….don’t rule it out, he’s a very hungry man.

#20 MICHIGAN STATE over #12 Ohio State: Can you spell Javon Ringer? No seriously, is it Jevon, JaVon, Jayvon….I have no clue.

#3 PENN STATE over # (Oh my bad, Michigan’s not ranked)

#1 TEXAS over #11 Missouri: Chase Daniel will prove to Mack Brown why he didn’t recruit his tiny ass to go to UT.

NFL

NEW ORLEANS over Carolina: Two of the NFC South’s best collide. Unless Ray Caruth hires someone to shoot Drew Brees…look for the birth-marked QB to have a big game against the Panthers.

MIAMI over Baltimore: Joe Flacco went to Delaware……….Hi, I’m in Delaware. Enough said.

Detroit and Houston: I can’t pick a winner in this game. Either way, everyone loses.

Baseball

RAYS over Red Sox: No team can withstand the crazy, maniacal fans that fill the Trop with their cowbells. I just hope more than 4,000 show up.

 Hockey

Wait, what? Hockey?

 

While everyone is transfixed on these televised sporting events, I will be tuned in to my computer for another installment of the LFL. What is the LFL you might ask? Probably the best thing invented since YouPorn. I mean, I don’t watch that shit!

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One response

21 10 2008
Kathryn

You PIG!

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