A Case Of The Mondays

27 10 2008

If anyone in your office, home or school ever mentions that you might have “a case of the Mondays,” please feel free to karate chop them in the throat. Especially if that person is also smiling and making fun of your team(s) losing over the weekend. Unless you’re an Ohio State fan, everyone in your office, home or school already hates you anyways so…please keep making fun of that guy, he sucks at life.

It was a crazy weekend in the world of televised sporting events. Here’s what happened while most of you were taking Yaguhhhh Bombs!!!!! and passing out naked in your front lawn.

The Phillies have YETto choke in the World Series. Seriously, never put it past a team from Philadelphia to fall apart when a championship is on the line. They did manage, however, to pull two games away from the Rays and go up in the series, 3-1. Ryan Howard finally remembered how to make contact with the ball and pitcher Joe Blanton said “Fuck a DH” when he went yard in the fourth inning last night. The Phills go into tonight’s game with this postseason’s winningest pitcher. There is no denying that Cole Hamels is a great talent and shows grace under fire. But can he handle the weight of the entire city of Philadelphia tonight? Not just Phillies fans, but every overweight cheesesteak eating, Yeungling drinking Philadelphian has their money (probably mortgage too) riding on it. Good luck Mr. Hamels, if you blow it tonight, expect a barrage of boos and chants of “COLE. SUCKS. POLE!”

A dominant force has been reestablished in college football…and no, I’m not talking about Ball State. Florida State is back bitches! The Noles are not only sitting atop the ACC standings, but more importantly, they have crept back into the BCS top 15 since 2004. Alright….so granted, the ACC is about as tough as Ralph Machio these days, but I assure you…a resurgenceis coming! Picture Ralph Maccio as Daniel LaRusso, circa Karate Kid 3. Sure, he got his ass handed to him a few times, but he got back up and dominated once again. If Bowden has his players “paint the fence” and “sand the floor,” they’ll be unstoppable in the All Valley Karate Tournament Atlantic Coast Conference.

Speaking of teams in shitty conferences on the upswing…Penn State pulled out another big win against the Suckeyes of Ohio State on Saturday night. As expected, the game was more boring than a three hour marathon of the Antiques Road Show. In fact, that should be the slogan for Big 10 football. “The Big 10, we make the Antiques Road Show look like an action movie!”

Other notables from this weekend: Michigan lost…. (wait, sorry, that would only be worth noting if they finally WON a game.) Michigan State went into the big house and set Javon Ringer loose on the Wolverines. Ringer ran for an astonishing 37 carries with 194 yards and two touchdowns. Seriously, 37 carries? So pretty much it was Javon Ringer vs. Michigan, and somehow Michigan was still outnumbered.

Oh yeah, and the Giants beat the Steelers. But…….we’ll just forget that ever happened (clenching fists in anger.)

Sorry avid readers, but I’m off to the Big D (and I DO mean Dallas.) I will not be posting for a few days, so try not to hyperventalate from your anxiety. I’ll be back soon enough with phenomenal new posts.

edunn

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3 responses

28 10 2008
Species

you ever gonna do a UT story as they beat ranked team after team??? not even a shout out…tisk tisk…. glad to see the noles back in it…. just not the same when they’re not around

29 10 2008
Species

rain rain go away

1 11 2008
Species

ok, just because I’M your only reader does not mean you can stop writing…now be a good writer and talk about college football…the rays are done!

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