Candidates For Obama’s Cabinet Pull The “I Also Used To Play JV Basketball” Card

18 11 2008

Thanks to the political research team here at APR (aka me watching CNN on my couch) we have been working tirelessly to uncover the candidates for the new White House administration. With nearly 8,000 jobs to be filled in the next few weeks, President Elect Obama will certainly have his desk swarming with resumes and cover letters. Everyone from Hillary Clinton and Colin Powell to Joe Sixpack and Joe the Plumber (well, maybe not that d-bag) will be vying for a spot on Obama’s staff. These potential candidates are currently searching through the Plum Booklike a political version of Cragislist (minus the whole casual encounters part.)

Resumes and portfolios are already piling up on the desk of the Oval Office. They’re stacked up right next to the even larger pile marked: “Shit Bush Left Obama To Deal With.” Since the resumes will be in the thousands, candidates will be forced to stand out from the pack. Even the top positions will have to duke it out through experience and originality. Sure, most of them have great foreign policy and health care experience, but why would one be a better Secretary of State than the other? That is the difficult question Obama is currently faced with. Could the President Elect work so closely with Hillary after beating her in the primaries? Would Republican Colin Powell work in an all Democratic Cabinet? What will the candidates do to make themselves stand out?

These candidates obviously know Obama well enough by now to cater to his interests. Hillary has the experience in the Senate along with health care reform, but she realizes that is not enough to get her hired. Powell has previously served as Secretary of State and understands the rigors of the job, but he realizes that is not enough to get him the position he so desires. That is why these candidates and others have resorted to…straight up brown nosing.

President Elect Obama has never made it a secret how much he enjoys basketball. There have been numerous interviews regarding his desire to play pick-up games even on the campaign trail. Reports have also leaked that he will build a court at his new residence at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. With their knowledge of Obama’s favorite past time and a keen ability to suck up, candidates are including their interest in basketball on their resumes.

Thanks to our insider political sources (once again, that would be me scanning the Internet and watching CNN) these important resumes have been uncovered. The research team here has located the resumes of a few powerful candidates competing for the top positions in Obama’s cabinet. And by “located their resumes” I mean “made them up on Microsoft publisher.” Okay….so they might not be technically “real” resumes, but I would not be surprised if these candidates actually do pull the “I used to play JV basketball” card in hopes of landing the job.

Here’s what a few resumes might look like by the time they hit Obama’s desk:

hill

colin

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3 responses

19 11 2008
Mike

I love it. Great stuff.

19 11 2008
Joel Ramos

Thats some serious funny shit!

23 11 2008
Species

enough of the political shit… back to college football!!! it just got crazy!

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