Front Office Executives Fix The Glitch, Except…Not Really

26 11 2008

What happens when a talented coach is forced to lead a team filled with a bunch of no talent ass clowns? Just ask recent victims, Wizards (ex) coach Eddie Jordan and Thunder (ex) coach P.J. Carlesimo. In this era of win now or go home, coaches are getting shit-caned faster than you can say “We fixed the glitch.” This trend is infecting professional and collegiate sports like Michael Vick is infecting fellow inmates with the herp.

Front office executives are letting more coaches go than long-time comboverand firing specialist Donald Trump. Only difference, their ratings do not increase like The Donald’s each time they say “Ya fired!” On the contrary, their franchise ratings and numbers suffer even worse. Attendances go down and losses continue to pile up like stink on shit. Don’t believe me? Let’s take a look at fellow combover and firing specialist Al Davis and his piss-poor rap sheet. Over the last five years, he has hired…then fired…four consecutive head coaches. In five seasons, the butt-pirates of Oakland have compiled an NFL-worst record of 20-64. That’s worse than (close your eyes Raiders fans) the Detroit Fucking Lions! Seriously, being worse than the Lions is like being the dumbest kid with downs syndrome.

Unfortunately for head coaches all over the board, many front office executives have begun to take the Al Davis “save-my-own-ass” approach. These executives, or “suits” are simply firing coaches to save their own precious, overpaid, Armani covered asses. When the legitimate reason behind their team’s 1-11 start…is not because the coach is struggling, but more so because the players those executives signed to multi-million dollar contracts are hurt, unproductive…or both. Executives, like Al Davis, are blaming the coaches in order to blind the fact that…maybe, just maybe…signing a player like DeAngelo Hall to a $70 million contract…might not have been the best idea.

So who suffers on behalf of a front office fuck up? Coaches like Eddie Jordan who are expected to lead a team of no-talent ass whipes to the promise land. When the veterans and All-Stars of the team are on the bench (Arenas, Jamison & Haywood) and the rookies are forced to control the ball…it is truly a recipe for disaster. No coach, not Phil Jackson or Red Auerbach…not even Norman Dalehimself could lead Nick Young, DeSean Stevenson and Co. to the playoffs (or the Indiana High School State Championship for that matter.)

The silver lining for coaches like Jordan and Carlesimo will come around the All-Star break for the NBA. They’ll turn on their TVs to SportsCenter or click on to check their old team’s record and standings. Both teams will still be in last place. Their replacement coaches will be pulling out their hair and stressing about the future of their jobs. Sitting at 8-33, they’ll be trying to figure out a way to ensure that All-Stars like Caron Butler and Kevin Durant are the only ones allowed to touch the ball. Meanwhile, Jordan will be smiling because of numerous job offers…and Carlesimo will be soaking up the sun on vacation, smiling while he realizes he no longer has to live in Oklahoma City.





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