Big 10 Conference Excited Ohio State Can’t Lose Another National Title This Year

5 12 2008

osuStop whining sports fans, if you’re sad because your team is not playing for a shot at the national title, here’s a little something that might cheer you up…at least we won’t have to see a BIG 10 team in the BCS title game. Yay for shitty conferences! (That means you too ACC.)

Since Jim Tressel and the whiny sweatervest crew of OSU will be watching the BCS title game at home this year, we may actually have the chance to watch a good, balanced national title for once!

Since we won’t have to put up with annoying Suckeys fans in next month’s national title game…who will we be strangling with aggravation come January 8, 2009? The answer will come tomorrow when a pair of conference title games will determine this year’s BCS contenders.

For those of you who have plans with your girlfreind or wife tomorrow…make sure you get your sports fanatical ass down in front of a TV around 4:00pm…and then again at 8:00pm. Tell your lady friend the farmer’s market will have to wait and she’ll have to find someone else to see the Nutcracker with tomorrow night. If she doesn’t freak out and tell you “football is ruining our relationship” then saddle up and get ready for the next best thing to a college football playoff.

The first game of the proverbial semifinals comes your way via the SEC felating network of CBS. Here’s what to expect when the #4 Gators take on the #1 Crimson Wave Tide of Alabama:

#4 FLORIDA over #1 Alabama: As much as it pains and sickens me to pick a team I like about as much as Nickelback, the truth is….the Gators are simply dominating. Their offense explodes quicker than your premature ejaculation. Even if Percy Harvin is out for all or most of the game, Tebow can either do most the work himself, or hand it off to the only two people in the SEC faster than Percy Harvin…Rainey and Demps. Alabama’s offense on the other hand, is only as good as their defense. If their highly ranked D can keep Florida off the field, John Parker Wilson might be able to keep things close. Here’s a not-so-fun fact about these two offensive teams: Alabama nearly lost to Kentucky by only putting up 17 points…Florida’s obnoxiously fast offense on the other hand, well…they put up a mere 65 against the Wildcats. F UF!

Either way, one of these teams will be playing in Miami next month. Hopefully I’ll be wrong and it will be Bama. Otherwise it willjust be more nightmares of Timmy Tebow. I keep having one where he tries to force a second circumcision on me. I usually wake up in a pool of sweat, grabbing my crotch and screaming “You’re not on a mission, put that godamn knife down Timmy!”

#2 OKLAHOMA over #20 Missouri: Does anyone who is not a Texas or Missouri fan honestly think this game has a chance of going the other way? Did you see the Kansas game last week? Mizzou’s defense looked like Two Girls One Cup…they kept getting shit on and we were forced to keep watching.

If Sam Bradford has a big game tomorrow (inevitable against Mizzou’s defense) look for him to jump Colt McCoy as the Heisman fruntrunner. That would be a nice smack in the face to UT fans after they’ve already been kicked in the balls for not making the Big 12 Championship game. Look at it this way Texas…it’s not like you guys beat OU head to head on a neutral field? If you had done that, maybe you would have a shot at the national titl….wait, my bust…UT beat Oklahoma in Dallas earlier this year. Oh, well you guys are pretty much fucked then.





One response

6 12 2008

Penn State should be in the game for sure. Voters downgraded their Big 10 picks this season because of the failure of Ohio State the past two years.

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