Archie Griffin Thankful To Still Be The Answer To A Popular Trivia Question

15 12 2008

"Who's the only player to win the Heisman Trophy twice? A.)Tim Tebow B.) Archie Griffin C.)No one gives a shit"

In case you were on a blackout drinking binge this weekend and completely missed the excitement that was The 2008 Heisman Presentation, the awkward guy from Oklahoma won.

Sam Bradford, OU QB and rambling speech giver extraordinaire, took home the large bronze statue Saturday night. So pretty much the guy who everyone picked to win…won that shit by a decent margin. Exciting I know.

Of course, the whore that is EPSN had to draw that shit out like an American Idol  finale. Chris Fowler was one “we’ll find out who the winner is…right after this commercial” shy of being the next Ryan Seacrest of sports entertainment. The first 55 minutes of the hour long show were so stretched out and boring, my DVR asked “are you sure you want to record this shit?” Unfortunately for my viewing non-pleasure…I checked yes.

In the end, Sam Bradford won the electoral college of sports writers and became the second Sophomore (Tebow was the first) to ever win the coveted bronze statue.

Besides watching a young man achieve his dream and win the most prestigious award in… yada yada yada, there were two more exciting moments of the night. The first came when a dozen or so previous Heisman winners lined the stage for an introduction. While Chris Fowler called out the list of names, sports enthusiasts everywhere saw two players who have not been spotted in years. Some claim they are a myth, an urban football legend if you will…one that you only heard about at late-night campfires. No one really knew if these people really existed…that is until Chris Fowler uttered their names for the first time in over five years. “2001 Heisman Trophy Winner Eric Crouch and 2003 Heisman Trophy Winner Jason White.” Viewers everywhere let out a collective “Holy shit…those guys are still alive!”

Nothing says “look what the Heisman Trophy can do for your career” than the success of Jason White and Eric Crouch. They are like the popular guys from high school who had all the chicks, the looks and the athletic talent…then you see them at the five year reunion and they’re 25 pounds overweight, balding and running a local lawn maintenance company called “Heisman Hedge Trimming.” If the Heisman Trophy winners consider themselves to be a fraternity, then Jason White and Eric Crouch are the douchey upperclassmen who still get hazed. They probably get 2:00am phone calls from Tony Dorsett and Archie Griffin, yelling at them to “bring over two cases of Natty Light and 17 bean burritos from Taco Bell… or it’s your ass pledge!”

The second most entertaining event from Saturday’s yawnfest… was the look on Archie Griffin’s face when Tim Tebow was NOT announced as the winner. He had that Eric Dickerson “thank god Jamal Lewis didn’t break my fucking record” look. Or the Mercury Morris “Perfectville: population one” look of relief . Because let’s be honest, no one outside of Columbus would give a shit about Archie Griffin if he had not won that second Heisman. He would just be another Johnny Rodgers or Billy Sims. “Who the hell are they” you say?….. Exactly. If some all-American quarterback who spends his Spring Break in the Philippines performing medical procedures would have joined Griffin as a two-time winner…people would have soon forgotten about the once great Buckeye half-back.

So, congrats to you Archie…you have at least one more year of being the answer to a cliche bar trivia question.






One response

17 12 2008

bradford is a tool and i am sure will join the likes of eric crouch…

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