The Felating of Tim Tebow Continues

9 01 2009

He wears crocs for god's sake and I still can't hate this a-hole

Have you ever wanted to hate someone you’ve never met? Say an ex-girlfriend starts dating someone new and you immediately think… fuck that guy. You don’t even know him, but just because he’s dating the girl you used to love/sleep with/finger blast,  you assume he’s a twat-rag. Then she introduces you both one night at a party, you shake his hand and smile, but in the back of your head you’re thinking “what are you looking at dicknose?”

Here’s the shitty part: you start talking to this inevitable jackass and slowly start to realize…he’s actually pretty awesome. So awesome in fact that it starts to piss you off more. Beacuse you see what she sees in him. He donates his spare time to charity. He makes a hell of a lot more money than you. He’s bigger than you, stronger than you and without a doubt smarter than you. He’s pretty much everything you think you are…but better.

This is how I feel about Jesus’ favorite southpaw, Timmy Tebow. I sincerely hate that I can not hate him. As a Florida State fan, it is ingrained in me to despise anything Gator-ish. Except those croc shoes, hatingthose plastic slip-ons has nothing to do with being a Nolefan…I just think the people who wear them look like lazy asswhipes.

Like my mother said, if you have nothing negative to say, don’t say anything at all. (I think she said the ass-opposite of that actually.) Oh well. Even though I will not be joining the media-felating fest of Tim Tebow, I still can’t say anything bad about the guy. And believe  me, I seriously tried.

I hate not hating you Tebow.


Breaking News (aka shit you’ve probably already heard) Timmy “The Circumciser” Tebow has announced he will not enter the NFL Draft. He most likely received a message from God last night who told him: “Tim my son, do you know how much hot, sundress-wearing ass you’ll get if you stay in Gainesville next year? Trust me, J.C. has been recruited some young freshmen talent for you. Make the right choice Timothy.”





One response

12 01 2009

hahah its so true… no matter how hard you try to hate the guy… you just cant do it.

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