Sage Is Terrible As A Quarterback, Delicious As A Marinade

26 02 2009

Sage is delicious on chicken...terrible on offense.

At what point does a successful desperate NFL franchise decide Sage Rosenfels is their missing piece at quarterback? The GM goes through the list of available QBs and probably says something along the lines of “Ah fuck it, he can’t be any worse than Gus Frerotte”.

Congratulations Vikings fans, your GM just signed Gus Frerotte Jr., aka Sage (not the marinade) Rosenfels to be your new, not so improved starting quarterback. If anyone in the state of Minnesota got excited about this recent signing…kill yourself now.

As a person who actually watches NFL football games, unlike anyone on the Vikings personnel, I have seen what Sir Rosenfels does with a football in his hands…and that usually does not include crossing the goal line.

Listen up you purple cladded Minnestoaites — I could have picked a better quarterback prospect for your team…and my only general managing experience has involved two 5-8 fantasy football teams. Here’s my plan for your piss-poor franchise… if you work for the Viking’s front office, grab a pen and paper and write this shit down.

Take a list of all the available quarterbacks in the NFL, place that list on a dart board. Blindfold yourself, take four shots of tequila then spin around 10 times. While spinning and possibly vomiting, begin throwing darts. Don’t even aim or pretend like you know where the darts are going, just throw those pointy fuckers as hard as you can. Sure, a few might end up stuck in the arm or back of your fellow Viking’s  staff, but workman’s comp will take care of all that noise. After all that retardery, take off your blindfold and look at the list of available quarterbacks on the dart board. If your dart had the misfortune of landing on “Sage Rosenfels”, then…and ONLY then should you consider signing that no-talent-ass-clown. Because at that point, at least you would have an excuse as to why you just buried your franchise even further into the ground.

Reporter: “Why the hell did you guys sign Sage Rosenfels? What, did you blindfold yourself, get drunk and start throwing darts at a list of names?”

Vikings Personnel: “Exactly.”

Reporter: “Oh…well that explains it then.”






2 responses

28 02 2009

I would personally like to thank Minnesota for taking Sage out of the state of Texas… he is yours now, ha ha ha ha ha

9 09 2010
ole smelly

i guess they read your post and thats why they picked up favre two years ago.

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