Only Five Months ‘Till Football Season

16 04 2009

Match these nicknames with the pictures above: (A): El Pato (B): Psycho T (C): Douchebag


After a three-week hiatus of working, drinking and getting kicked out of Baltimore strip clubs, the APR is finally back! Not sure if the long delay has been more influenced by a lack of football news to write about, or simply a three-week stint of laziness. Either way, you better watch your step…cause I’m about to drop some sports knowledge.

While most of you were ripping up your brackets after losing another NCAA Tournament pool, I was busy collecting my winnings from North Carolina’s anal-raping of Michigan State. Alright, so you can’t really call it “winning” if you place third and only get your money back, but I’ll take what I can get at this point. Besides, a poll conducted earlier by my grandma shows that I’ll always be a winner no matter what anyone says…so HA!

Now that college basketball and accepted in-office gambling is officially over, the only thing we’ve had to look forward to is Major League Baseball’s Opening Day. Unfortunately, that excitement lasted about as long as CC Sabathia’s off-season diet. I must say though, it has been rather rewarding to watch the collective assholes of Boston and New York slip to the bottom of the American League East standings. Nothing makes me enjoy Yankee’s baseball more than a left fielder pitching a better game than their starting pitcher. Who knew Nick Swisher could sling heat?

Just as baseball was getting things jump started last weekend, sports fans were also able to enjoy a nice hungover Sunday watching the Masters. There’s no better way to remedy a long night of bachelor party shenanigans, than by laying on the couch with Gatorade,  greasy food and listening to the soothing sounds of Jim Nance. However, I could have done without the tee-shot microphone. I mean honestly CBS, do we need that ground mic three feet from every tee shot? Each time I’d slip in and out of consciousness on the couch, I’d immediately wake up to Tiger or Phil’s next sonic boom of a fucking drive! Even with the occasional volume outburst, it was amazing to watch the two best golfers in the world go toe-to-toe for the last 18 holes of the Masters. No one realized, or cared for that matter that Tiger and Lefty were not the last group(s) to tee off on Sunday. Kenny Perry might have been in the lead the entire day, but viewers were more focused on watching the best rivalry in golf unfold on the best trak in the world. 


More to come after the jump….(still not entirely sure what that means but apparently every damn blogger says it.)