No One Saw This Coming…

"I need an I-Right, Button-Hook-Doublecheesburger. Hit the McNuggets on a Post Route with a Large Fry Quick Slant."

Two of the most storied franchises in NFL history have parted ways with their head coaches. Ah, who am I kidding…it’s the fucking Rams and Raiders!

It was a sad day for Oakland and St. Louis fans yesterday as Raiders coach Lane Kiffin and Rams coach Scott Linehan were both shown the door. And when I say a “sad” day for fans, I mean “nobody gave a shit.” Seriously, do people in St. Louis even know it’s football season now? Most are too busy crying over the Cardinals not making the playoffs to worry about how many games Marc Bulger is not winning. As for Raiders fans, they’re too consumed with what ridiculous costume and makeup they should wear to the next home game. “Welcome to the Black Hole bitch! Now seriously, who stole my fucking eyeliner!!”

No one can really do worse than either of these coaches, but does anyone really expect someone to do better? In the past six years, the Raiders have hired…AND fired five different coaches. Is it any wonder why the players can’t get their shit together? Can you imagine having to deal with a new boss every year? How do you take them seriously when you know Al Davis is just waiting to shitcan your coach at the end….or beginning of every season.

Scott Linehan and the Rams, on the other hand, have won only one game since the start of last season. One. Damn. Game! Corky from Life Goes On could strap on a headset (probably backwards) and lead a team to more victories! The fecal-covered silver lining, however, for St. Louis, is their replacement for the bum that was Linehan. Jim Haslett, their current defensive coordinator, has been handed over the reigns. If anyone knows what it’s like to lead a bunch of no-talent-ass-clowns to victory, it certainly is Haslett. The one-time NFL Coach of the Year, turned the previously cardiac Saints into a playoff team in 2000. So yeah, he’s got THAT going for him.

The bad news for Linehan and Kiffin is our economy is in the crapper! Good luck finding a job in this economical recession. But hey, look at it this way, I’m sure you’ll land a job where you can still where a headset! So yeah, you’ve got THAT going for you.

(I have this mental image of Al Davis walking into a McDonald’s in a few months….the one where Lane Kiffin is working. Al says hello, orders his food and waits for his McChicken. When Kiffin hands him the sandwich, Al Davis opens it up and slowly looks up at Kiffin with his evil stare. Davis slams his fist down and throws the McChicken in Kiffin’s face while screaming, “What part of NO. FUCKING. MAYONNAISE. don’t you understand!!!!”)

edunn